my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
