you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
