Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
