Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
