im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just found puke in my bra..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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