Don't make out with my wife yet
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
