Cold hands, warm shart.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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