you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
