Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
