Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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