"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
