okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
