Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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