I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
