she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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