I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
