i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
