Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
