I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
