I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
