Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
