does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
