everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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