I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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