So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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