im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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