hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Semen is not good for contacts.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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