Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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