I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
