I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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