So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sext me about skeletons
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
