i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
