I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm both gender and math confused
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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