Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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