My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
