6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
