i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
