Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
