we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
