My cat gives me a boner
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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