We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
