bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
