I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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