Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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