Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
love makes seman taste better
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
