This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
