The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
