i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
