People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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