pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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