Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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